Ask Judge Lynn: Parent and Adult Child Relationship

Question:

“I am a 30-year-old woman who works and takes care of herself. As a child, my parents would always put me down. In fact, my parents continue to put me down as an adult. My parents call me a failure because I do not make as much money as they would like me too. I am also called a failure because I refuse to help my parents with the money I do make. I have graduated law school but my parents say that I lied about going to law school. I have always taken care of myself. I am constantly put down precisely because my parents want me to give them money. It frustrates me and at times I start to believe that I am a failure. Seeing how much it damaged me mentally and emotionally, I have stopped speaking to my parents because they do not believe in me. I have had less stress as a result. Am I in the wrong for refusing to speak to my parents until and unless they start speaking positivity in my life?” — Ruth

Answer:

“So let’s see: You have graduated both high school and college. Now you have a doctorate in law. You’ve done that, it appears, without their help or support. Now THEY need YOU to give them money. I see failure here but not on your part.

Are you wrong to cut off ties with them? If all they bring to you is negativity, absolutely not. You have an obligation to take care of yourself.

Anybody can have kids. Anybody. You don’t have to be able, capable, kind or good; all you have to be is fertile. Parents are supposed to build you up and send you off. They are supposed to support, love and care for their kids. If they don’t want to behave like parents then that’s their choice. But along with that choice comes consequences.

You’ve done well in life and anybody who makes it their business to make you feel otherwise has got no business on your schedule.” — Judge Lynn