I Have A Joke for You

Yet again, I find myself without a topic.  I think I have run out of words for the time being.

I have been told, by Big E, that I have been sharing a whole lot of opinions  with great regularity and passion, of late.  Seems I have fallen into the habit of ongoing life editorial  Duchess is so well known for.  I am now doing it with both boys.  Boomy because, well, he’s Boomy and 17 because  he won’t be that much longer.

Manhood lurks – even if is there is no magical shift in his maturity level at 18 there is a shift in the law.   No more mulligans on mistakes. Don’t get me wrong, he has always been well ordered and respectful of the rules.  We call him the Morality Police for a reason.  But you can’t count on that.  ANYONE can have a moment.  In fact, we all have them.  I just want him to be ready when his come.

‘A moment’ is when life, in one of its more urgent forms, runs up on you when you least expect it.  Emotion in volume.  The scary part is the worst moments often feel so very good until you are already in over your head.  That is why they are hard to recognize.  You are already swamped by it and you don’t know what the heck happened.  The next thing you know you follow the fastest thing – which is how you feel and not what you know.  A worrisome thing – that.

(Yes, I know, my drug habit is showing.  Don’t call TMZ!!!!  My drug of choice is control. I am in constant battle with the vicissitudes of life.  Though I am handling my own set of “maybes” and “what ifs” much better these days, I am now getting weird about the boys.  No more solving their problems with ‘kiss a boo-boo’, band-aids and some juice.)

Anyway, I have been reprimanded on the home front about my  urge to editorialize about everything. I think I understand what Duchess has been going through of late.  I thought she just lost her edit button.  But I think she just wants to get it all in before the inevitable occurs.

The inevitable occurs to all of us but her sense of urgency comes from the fact that her inevitable is standing right where she can see it.  She doesn’t fear it, she just wants to make sure we are all covered before she gets there.

She says she believes we (my sister and I) have ‘arrived’ – Arrival is a point at our lives where we have demonstrated an ability to handle things and if she were to die or go crazy tomorrow she would have no reason to worry.  She told me this.  But arrival notwithstanding she still wants to insure.  Hence, the increased volume of editorial.

I love my boys like she loves my sister and me.  What an overwhelming thing.  I remember when I brought 17 home for the first time.  Called mom crying and said – ‘I get it’.

Anyhow, I think E is right.  If you talk too much to teenaged boys they don’t listen at all.  Pithy has never been my strong suit.  But to the teenaged male mind all of those words are akin to an automatic weapon.  Each one is a head shot.  Within one minute they are comatose – and a little PO’d I might add.

That was a whole lot of words for a woman who had nothing to say, wasn’t it? It just kind of spilled out.

Okay so at long last here is the joke:

A man and his wife are driving down a road and get stopped by a police officer.  The wife is hard of hearing.

Husband rolls down the window and says “What’s the problem officer?’

Officers says “You were speeding.”

Wife says “What did he say?”

Husband, “He said  I was speeding.”

Officer says “Your license and registration, please.”

Wife says, “What did he say?”

Husband says, a little annoyed by having to repeat everything, “He wants my license and registration.”

Officer looks at the license and it says the man is from Ohio.  Officer says, “Ohio huh?  The ugliest woman I ever dated was from Ohio.”

Wife says “What did he say?’

Husband says, “He thinks he knows you.”

Peace.