Self Esteem III: Expanding Your Self Esteem Sources

Often when people find themselves caught in a relationship where they do not feel valued they get stuck on getting this one significant source to change his/her attitude toward them.

It is natural. Your marriage or your relationship with your significant other is the most intimate and constant one you have. It is hard to feel okay when the one person whose opinion means most to you doesn’t have a very high opinion of you (Or at least he doesn’t appear to)

You can’t change other people. People will however change when their circumstances do. You have to put yourself in a position of feeling better about yourself. 

The easier way to get started on that is to focus on other sources of feedback. The bigger your life is the more ways you’ll have to feel good about yourself. If it’s volunteering in your church, taking a course, reading a book, exercising … anything that focuses on you in a positive light  – do it.

They internet is a great place to start.. Not social media (Which is again looking for someone else to define your value) but they have so many fascinating things going on. Get good at something you’ve always wanted to do. Or just enjoy doing something even if you don’t do it well. The process of getting better at anything makes you feel better about everything. I can’t draw. Always wanted to. So one day I googled how to draw a sphere on youtube.  It sounds stupid but it focuses on something you can control. Adds to you …

Support in groups are also good. When you get together with friends don’t spend all that time talking about all that unhappy you have going on at the house. Of course, you have a right to talk about it and you should share, but also uplift and branch out. What could the two of you do today that will make that feel small?

Just saying, work on those things that can work up your self worth without it having to work on him. When you change how you feel you change how you respond. It will help change how much what he does or does not do stings …

It is not a solution but a start. That alone, getting off dead stop center will help you feel better ….