Yet Again, More Stuff

1. Thank you for the Praxis explanation Micca, if that is any indication of your teaching ability you should be great. Thorough, comprehensible and concise.

2. I know I have sung this song before but I’d like to do it one more time. I get tons of messages from people asking for help all of the time and many send their phone numbers. Some are distressed that I don’t call.

I know that those of you who reach out to me for help are real people with real problems. I am sometimes very moved by your situation. But there is only one of me and thousands and thousands of you. I blog on general issues but that is the best I can do.

3. Someone asked me to blog on the topic “old men who feel the need to remarry” She was a little unhappy about a male relative whose wife died and he’s in his 70’s and now has someone else. The first wife obviously was an outstanding person and the woman who write said she did not like him changing the family landscape and feels like the first wife was being pushed aside. She inquired “where will he be buried by her or the first wife?”

Here’s my take on that. I understand loving someone who has passed and feeling as if others are taking their place if the spouse remarries. You feel a little like that person is being betrayed but think about it . . .

It’s tough at that age. People need companionship and help. I don’t think people whose spouse’s die should be alone so family don’t have to have a pinch of jealousy every once in a while when they get a card or a phone call. Think about it. How huge is it to say to someone “you must live the next ten years of your life alone so family (that is not near or taking care of you) don’t have to feel uncomfortable 2 to 3 hours per year when you get a card with her name on it or end up at a family gathering with the two of you”.

If my mother found a companion I would be thrilled. She had a boyfriend once. I liked him and was excited for her. He came to Christmas dinner at the house one year. Sat in the house and at the table that my dad provided for her and. . . I was so happy. I worked hard to make him feel welcomed. She had been lonely and like having him around. He was a nice guy and had they decided to end up together I would have been thrilled to know that while I’m out and about having a life she’s got someone to make hers more joyful. . .

I’m not there. I can’t sit with her at dinner every night. I can’t get a speck out of her eye. I can’t chit chat with her over morning coffee. I would love to know that at 7:00 every night she’s not sitting in front of the TV alone. It would be comforting to know there was a man in the house if something went wrong. I would love to know someone was loving and caring for her daily. I believe my Dad would too.

Don’t get me wrong. I was wild about my daddy. Loved him so that I couldn’t go out to dinner without bursting into tears for a year after he died (he loved going out to dinner) But by the same token my Daddy was wild about my mom. He wanted her to be happy and told her so. He assumed she would find someone. He just warned her about the people who might do her wrong and told her to be careful.

The burying thing I never understood. I believe in God. I don’t think he much cares about physical proximity of earthly remains when we die. That is a human issue of no import to the people who are dead or the God they return home to. (but that’s just my take – and it’s spiritual in nature and I understand if others don’t share it).

I do understand when money is involved. Pops wanted to make sure my sister and I inherited what he worked so hard for and not the kids of some other guy whom she married after him. But that’s something people must simply handle wisely legally.

I truly believe that the first wife was as wonderful as you say she was and if that’s the case she probably would not want him to spend the later years of his life alone and pass up happiness so he can mourn her endlessly.

My ten cents worth.