Morning Brain

It is early and I have Morning Brain (MB). (for those of you new to my blog Morning Brain is used to describe my state of mind in the a.m. – faster, more agile thinking goes on here before noon. I lose ground all day and by 3 p.m. my brain is a pile of mush).

So while I have M.B. I thought I would pick something and give you a ten cent opinion on it.

I received a question from someone who was in a long term marriage and things were not going well. She wanted to save the marriage and wanted some help. She said they had considered counseling but they decided they didn’t want to. She said she was looking for a “bright idea” on how to fix things.

I loved that she said “bright idea” because it is what most people want when they ask for advice. From what I’ve seen over the years “a bright idea” is one that is easy to do and quick. They want three simple steps that will solve all of their problems in one week.

Check out the self help isle in the book store. The most common things you’ll see in the title are:

1. a number (almost always less than 10)
2. The words “simple” “easy” “quick”
3. A word that expresses a simple process like “ways” or “steps”
4. Some definitive word like ‘fix’ ‘save’ ‘rescue’ solve’ –
5. then the subject matter: e.g. your marriage.

If they didn’t people wouldn’t by it. Can you imagine a self help book entitles “The Long Arduous Journey to Getting Things a Little Bit Better”? It wouldn’t sell but it would be the truth.

When I first wrote my book it was simply called “My Mother’s Rules.” Several folks said – and rightfully so – no one will know what the book is about and no one will by a book that is vague and that tells them that they have to work hard and long at something.

They wanted me to say simple or something and cut down on the rules. That wouldn’t be truthful. So I added “A Practical Guide to becoming an Emotional Genius” – just to tell people what it was about – developing emotional prowess – and tell them I am giving a step by step process -by saying it is a Practical Guide. But I refused to say anything about it being easy.

Working the steps in it is just that – work.

Funny thing too. I read a review of my book written by someone that said the ideas were okay but I had too many rules: 43. (Good grief – she should have seen how many I started out with!!! : ) )

ANYWAY. . . I didn’t mean to go on a tangent about the book – it’s just that the book does encompass so much of my mind set and does at the root of everything, express the answer to just about every question I get . . . . .

Theses days: We want it fast. We want it simple. We want it effortless.

LIFE IS NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!

With respect to the woman who said her husband and her dismissed the idea of counseling. Why? That is what they are there for – to put a Second Set of Eyes on the problem and use what they know to help you work it out. No, it is not a quick fix. Yes, it is often uncomfortable and difficult. Yes, it costs money. But then I must ask What is a 20 year marriage worth to you?

I am not a woman with ‘bright ideas.’ I am a woman who embraces complexity and believes that the trip to Better Than It Is Now (which, when you think about, is the place everybody is trying to get to) begins at the corner of two streets: Understanding and Effort.

Best I got.