Loss

Some people suffer a lot of loss. I am no expert on it. I, like most people, have had some in my life – my dad, the murder of my nephew, a few close friends but I have always had people around me.

I heard from someone who has had a loss but hasn’t got much support and is struggling. All long term relationships have gone and she feels like she’s hanging out there alone. I’ve never been where they are so I can’t say I know how they feel. I assume alone adrift and without purpose would apply.

Here’s my thoughts on the kind of alone that I am imagining you are working with.

First thing I would say is that anyone who has the vision to see what they are feeling and why and know the signs that things are heading downward has hope because you are aware and you know what the enemy is. You see the black mood descending on you and you know what is is. You then hollered for help. A lot of people do not have the ability to do that. That says a lot about how strong you are.

Second, I am a firm believer in professional help. I think your idea about a therapist is a good one. If yours is not currently available there are others. You never know. They may even be a better fit or have a different perspective that is helpful. Don’t wait! reach out and find one NOW even if its for just a session or two before you regular one gets back.

Third, I believe in filling yourself up. I try not to live on empty. During those times I was trying to fall apart my mother always directed me elsewhere. In the room and alone, my mind on my problems was the last place I needed to be. People, a passion and a purpose. Last thing I wanted to do – but it was the only thing that worked. Rule 41 might help. I know that rule talks about small inconveniences but it works with bigger things. Mom used it to get passed the crushing poverty and bad home life she had (she used books) I used it to deal with my chemical imbalance and depression (she recommended socialization)

You are fighting a battle I’ve never been in but I think the same might apply. Joining a community of people and making a new family is a good idea. Mom used it when Dad died. She developed new connections to replace that 24/7 thing she was doing with him. She couldn’t get back what she lost so she developed something new. It wasn’t the same but it was fulfilling.

Houses of worship are easy places to start but I am not trying to tell anyone what they ought to believe. It’s just that they are full of people who are coming together and are welcoming of strangers. Volunteer. Help others who have hurt. Focus elsewhere. Maybe at an animal rescue center or something.

The thing mom always said is you shouldn’t wait until you feel like doing something if it is something you need to do. Just do it. One step at a time. One visit to the doctor. One visit to a place where you can volunteer. One trip somewhere where you can talk to someone. Keep coming. That will feed your ability to get up and do the next thing. Make your emotions follow your moves not your current mood.

I wish I had more thoughts on the matter. Crew, do you have any personal experiences like the one I described?

You have my prayers and my thoughts.