My Mother's View

Well, we have started to talk about loss so I might as well take it full circle. It is so hard. People mean so much to you and when somebody close dies you feel like someone has taken a pole out of your tent. That side is just down and flapping and there is really nothing you can do.

A year after my father died I cried every time we went out to dinner. He loved going out to dinner and it would just break me up. Some years later when we were making out my mother’s will and stuff I got all misty eyed at the bank. (made mom mad) I used to cry like a two year old at funerals of people I don’t even know.

My mother was distressed by my, as she put it, “failure to get it”. Now let’s make something clear up front. Nobody can tell you “just get over it.” The pain you feel at a death is so real and personal. I do not dismiss anybody’s pain so please don’t misunderstand. I’m just telling you what mom told me because I used to get so leveled by it. And you have got to remember Mom is a pragmatist with a very irreverent sense of humor.

She said (and I am paraphrasing cause it was a long conversation): “Life is an inherently fatal disease. We all die. I am going to and so are you. You beat the game if you die in the right order. The older go before the younger. Some people don’t even get that. So when I die, you had better keep stepping. In fact, step right over me. I’ll be dead. I won’t mind. I am old already. My husband is dead, and all of my friends are dying off (see my blog “The Waiting Room” )You can be sad but don’t get silly about it. ”

Now back to the tent. You never get that pole back so you have to make a new one. It won’t be the same but you can’t let the tent topple over. Tough words from a wishy- washy chick that looses hard. But that’s my mother’s take on it. Her logic is unassailable so I have to make my heart follow my head. She and I have been talking a lot about that lately. I do believe I am getting prepped. Mom is amazing.

You know I have the nerve to be tearing up as I type?

Anyway. We should all keep each other in our respective hearts when people we care for are suffering from a loss. Stay strong. Keep the lessons and the love that those you lose have given you and try to live the life they would have wanted for you. Easier said than done. But what else is there to do?

On a lighter note. I am going to have clean floors by 5:00 pm. Boomy is suspended and the bucket and rag are waiting for him.

You all take care. And I do mean take care.