And the Winner is . . .
What did I win, you might ask. Well, I’d tell you if I knew. Though I’m not sure exactly what I’ve won I know who gave me the award.
Apparently there is a committee of 13 year old boys somewhere that pass out parental titles. And the reason I know I’ve gotten one is because I always have a house full of them. Even when they are all supposed to be somewhere else, they end up here – in quantity – and I’m not at all sure why.
That’s why I’ve decided that I have been awarded something. I’m not sure which one I’ve gotten but I do have some ideas:
1. The Mother Most Likely to Order Pizza
– You see I have this thing about feeding my kids at regular intervals. And I can’t feed mine without feeding everybody in the house who is under 18. I have this innate communal mother gene. Anybody in the house under 18 is my child while they are here. – So whenever meal time arrives I am getting food elsewhere (it’s one thing to give your own family food poisoning but it’s just embarrassing to take down the entire 8th grade) And you know how 13 year old boys like to eat. Little hoover vacuums – these people – And I don’t know about yours but mine don’t have an ounce of body fat anywhere. (pisses me off).
2. Mother Who Got Suckered into Buying the Most Game Systems.
– I think that one speaks for itself. And by the way you would not believe the funk generated by a room full of 13 year old boys huddling around a video game for a couple of hours with the door closed. Sometimes I throw them out and make them play ball just to air out the room.
3. Mother Least Likely to Go Crazy When Something Gets Broken.
– My 13 year old is very social. He has whole packs of friends. Several of them are very physical. They have a run and shoot offense. Skate boards bicycles, foot balls. You name it. They fly around here like a swarm of bees. I don’t object too much for a couple of reasons: A. I like that they don’t just sit around and play video games. B. He is the last of six sons. Lots off stuff has gotten broken over the years. You either learn to go with the flow or lose your mind. I decided to go with the former.
4. The Mother Most Likely To Engage In an Adolescent Conversation Without Judgment
I talk to them like I was thirteen. If they were engaged in some low level nonsense I ask about it like I am interested. I laugh. I say things like “You didn’t really say that did you? That’s cold. I bet he never bothers you again.”
My son won’t tell me anything but if your are non judgmental with other people’s kids they give up all kinds of information. Of course, if they are doing something really bad (a) they don’t tell me and (b) I’d get all in it. But they tell me what they are thinking and the basics of what they are doing. That’s good intelligence. The CIA would be proud.
– Anyway, it appears that I’ve gotten the award for something. And like I said, you don’t get a statue for it, all you get is a house full of kids.
I have four here now even though the plan was as of 5:00 pm yesterday was that my son was going to sleep over at someone else’s house. Next thing you know its 7:30 pm and I am getting a call saying ‘can you pick me up from the mall and yea can Chris come.’ I say okay. When I get there I find my son, Chris and yet another kid I didn’t know about. What am I gonna do leave that last kid there? So I brought them all home. By the time I woke up this morning my husband says another showed up after I went to bed.
But as my husband says: It’s better to have them here where we can keep and eye on them –
Mess, funk and broken lamps notwithstanding.