This was on my mind ...

Six AM

This is my favorite time of the day. If I get up at 6 it says I haven’t been worrying too much (because if I had been I would have gotten up at 4). It also means that I am awake and alone with a fresh brain.

The furniture for The Room is arriving today. All I need is one more hour or two of clean up before I’m ready for that. So all is well.

I would like to thank My Crew for the kudos on the tape (as well as the ones giving props for the ability to post it!!) As you can see I typically see only those things I’ve done wrong not what went well. Useful habit when trying to improve. Pain in the ass when making an effort to be content.

And that I suppose is my subject for today. I have realized, of late, that contentment is not something that just occurs. You know what I mean. We all say as soon as I. . . then you name it – get that promotion – lose weight – find a mate – etc. I’ll be content. But you know what happens while you’re waiting for that to get right something else goes wrong. Rarely, if ever, do all your ducks get in a row.

I realized some time ago, though I forget it on a regular basis: Happy ain’t looking for me – I need to look for it.

So today I WILL find contentment in whatever ordinary difficulties of the day that may occur. (I say ordinary because if you have something really bad happen like wrap your car around a poll or get shot – contentment is pretty much off the table at least for a day or two ; ). But I mean the dumb stuff. Waiting in lines – minor annoyances- teenagy children. I am going to find my center today and stay there.

Contentment is something you strive for: it’s an acceptance of what is, it requires you to focus on all that is right. If you’ve read my book you will know that it will help to Globalize You Pain Quotient. And when your mood drifts back towards irritation make a decision to pull it back to where it will do you some good.

My husband said something to me the other day that I found quite helpful. I received a phone call from someone with respect to something important and they left a message saying give me a call or something like that but didn’t say really what it was about.

So what did I do? I started wondering what’s wrong. Asked Big E do you think. . . then I went through every negative scenario you could think of. He let me finish. Did not get mad (which he used to do – improvement, another thing to be happy about) and then said: “don’t waste your time worrying about a problem until you know you have one.”

That was a light bulb and sparkler moment for me. Sometimes worry is helpful. If you have a problem and you are concerned about it you go through all of the possible scenarios and reactions. That way you might come upon a solution or be more prepared. That’s the part that throws me. I do that kind of worrying and often find creative solutions to difficulties that way. So I find it beneficial.

But like anything else too much of it or applied inappropriately it’s nothing but trouble. The hard part for me was deciding when worry was helpful and when I have gone “off the road “. Now I have at least one bright line rule I can follow. Doesn’t solve it all but it should help me eliminate a whole section of inappropriate concern.

This picture is me all happy. (from my trip to Sedona months back but my facial expression is apt.) Also I am all into my new computer skills and I want to share.

Peace people.

Sedona

Going For Broke

I am a woman prone to extremes. Now that I have my picture up I’m going to take it all the way. Here’s a video of me on the morning news in Phoenix yesterday. You have to check this out though. Four years on TV and I still don’t know what camera to look at AND I did my own hair. Any of you remember Alfalfa? How sad.

Experience

You can learn from just about anyone or anything. Experience, though an outstanding teacher, can also be an expensive one. If you have to learn all of your mistakes through trial and error it could get pricey.

But if you can eavesdrop on the lessons experience is teaching others, you get it’s wisdom without the cost of tuition which is often times quite high.

When we talk of celebrity tragedy we see the great loss and mourn that. People who have added to history and culture and have high profiles are most certainly missed when they pass. But the thing that we need to remember is that The Rule of Inclusion never gets repealed.

The Rule of Inclusion is this. Though we may treat the famous as special the laws of physics medicine and nature do not. But sometimes it feels that way especially to those who have a life in which everyone around them says “Yes”

I heard Deepok Chopra the other night on TV talking about Michael Jackson’s alleged dependence on drugs. He said when he would press him on the issue MJ would stop returning calls.

When Princess Diana died amidst all the conspiracy theories I heard only twice that the one person with his seat belt on in the car made it. I don’t know what happened as far as conspiracies. I do know that there was booze and speed and no seat belts. I am not blaming at all. Her death was a tremendous loss. But I tell you what, what I did tell one young lady I was mentoring at the time was. ‘Nobody is immune to the basic rules of life. Obey them even when the world says you’re special.’

Back to MJ. Though the rest of us don’t have an entourage or staff and the money to seclude ourselves and hire a full time personal doctor, we all have the ability to turn a deaf ear to those who tell us things we do not want to hear. It never hurts to listen and to do so with an open mind. Of course, you can’t take everything to heart. You have to understand that person’s perspective. Some people tell you stuff just to hurt you. But I see all commentary – no matter the source or the intent – as instructional even from people who don’t like me.

My mother taught me this one. Look for the small grain of truth that may lie in any insult. If it’s there be aware of and, if possible, conquer it. That way people who sought to hurt you end up helping you.

Here’s an example. I was riding down a residential street once when I was young and some guy beeped and yelled at me because he felt I was driving to fast. I called him a name – not to him but to mom – “who does that a**hole thinks he is,” I said, “the police?”

Mom said. “You need to turn around and thank that man. He just did you a favor. You were driving to fast.”

Silly story but good point. I was just thinking about it so I thought I would say it.

All is well at Casa Toler. The Room is about to go down for the count. I am a tough customer once angered.

Check out my blog on judgelynn.com Sooner or later I am going to figure out the picture thing and once I do you’ll get the story and a visual.

Okay people, I am going to try this thing again. At one of my many trips to the airport I meant some one interesting.

Apparently it was. I posted it and all I got was gibberish.

Moving Up (Slowly)

Welcome yet again. Yesterday I tried to post pictures but it appears I am not there yet. My oldest son is downstairs with his buddies where I usually work so I am on the floor in my bedroom. By the way The Room, is getting a well deserved butt whipping. I should have her fully contained and under wraps by tomorrow. WIll try to get before and after pictures to you. Right now I am going to spend the next (probably 2 hours) trying to upload a video. Wish me luck.

ps I just saw the first comments. Ruthie I knew I could count on you and my crew. Please be patient with me while I get this thing together!!!!

Murph Church

murphI went to a gathering put together by Murph Community AME Church. It was a group discussing domestic violence, providing info and support.

I was the keynote speaker. Spent some time writing my speech. Though I saw several hundred domestic violence cases every year when I was a judge in Cleveland, was on the board of a domestic violence center and even eventually won The Humanitarian of the Year Award from them (which is the one award I received I am the most proud of along with ringing the Liberty Bell) I still like to do research, catch up on the newest inof. etc. before I spend people hard earned Saturday afternoon rest period on me.

Worked on the speech for a week. Got there and didn’t even give it. Three women came up and talked about their experiences as survivors. One sang, one spoke one just nodded. But they were all so powerful my speech suddenly seemed antiseptic.

So I didn’t use it and spoke from my heart.

Great group. Great afternoon. Sometimes the things you do for free pay you the most.

Anyway, I will be hopping today. Trying to button up the house and get to LA to work on WEDLOCK OR DEADLOCK.

My next surprise is looking closer and closer to coming to fruition. You have no idea how hard it is for a chatty keep no secrets babe like me to keep a secret that I think is this cool. If I can pull it off it will be (I believe – not absolutely sure) will be a TV first.

Anyway, wish your girl strength and luck.

Flying. . . Trying . . .

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*Audiobook Version*
My Mother's Rules" is a humorous, easy to follow self-help guide to managing your emotional life.

My Mother's Rules" is a humorous, easy to follow self-help guide to managing your emotional life.

Using lessons learned on the bench along with humorous anecdotes from her own 30 year marriage, Judge Lynn Toler wrote "Making Marriage Work" as a logical and simple guide to bringing back the practicality lost in relationships over the years.

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Six AM

Posted by on Jul 18, 2009 in Uncategorized | No Comments

This is my favorite time of the day. If I get up at 6 it says I haven’t been worrying too much (because if I had been I would have gotten up at 4). It also means that I am awake and alone with a fresh brain. The furniture for The Room is arriving today. […]

Going For Broke

Posted by on Jul 17, 2009 in Uncategorized | No Comments

I am a woman prone to extremes. Now that I have my picture up I’m going to take it all the way. Here’s a video of me on the morning news in Phoenix yesterday. You have to check this out though. Four years on TV and I still don’t know what camera to look at […]

Experience

Posted by on Jul 17, 2009 in Uncategorized | No Comments

You can learn from just about anyone or anything. Experience, though an outstanding teacher, can also be an expensive one. If you have to learn all of your mistakes through trial and error it could get pricey. But if you can eavesdrop on the lessons experience is teaching others, you get it’s wisdom without the […]

Moving Up (Slowly)

Posted by on Jul 16, 2009 in Uncategorized | No Comments

Welcome yet again. Yesterday I tried to post pictures but it appears I am not there yet. My oldest son is downstairs with his buddies where I usually work so I am on the floor in my bedroom. By the way The Room, is getting a well deserved butt whipping. I should have her fully […]

Murph Church

Posted by on Jun 25, 2009 in Measurably Better | No Comments

I went to a gathering put together by Murph Community AME Church. It was a group discussing domestic violence, providing info and support. I was the keynote speaker. Spent some time writing my speech. Though I saw several hundred domestic violence cases every year when I was a judge in Cleveland, was on the board […]