No Right Answer

Posted by on May 7, 2010 in The Blog, Uncategorized | 15 Comments

As is often the case I get people asking me advice on whether to leave their mate.  And you know how it goes.  I can never tell people what to do but I can give them the questions to ask.
But at the end of the day I think what most people want are  absolutes no one can provide.  We want to know that if I make this decision –   THE right decision.  Everything will be good.
Sometimes there is a right and wrong answer.  Using crack is a wrong decision.  Not much to think about there, but unfortunately most of life isn’t like that.  It is about picking the set of problems you want to solve.  Doing one thing presents one set of concerns; doing the other gets you another set.
But if we continue look for the right answer, (and there is in fact none)  we do nothing while  trying to land on an absolute that does not exist.  Doing nothing is easy.  Changing is a beast.  As so it goes. . . we wring our hands change not a thing and ask folks “what should I do?”

What brought this on?  In part it was because people keep asking me what they should do.  But more importantly I have caught myself doing the very same thing.  A friend and I were talking abut what school decisions we had made for our kids.  She was stressed because her daughter was having difficulties and in hindsight she could see the value of an entirely  different path she could have taken.
I, on the other hand was wondering what I should do about a couple of things. I was ‘what ifing” it to death.  That’s when I had that conversation with my girlfriend and realized I needed to take my own advice. I did something. Actually I did a couple of somethings.
I have been vague lately, haven’t I?  I have a lot going on and all of the important stuff involves other people whose business I have no right to put in the street.  Frustrating in the extreme.

The news at Casa Toler I can report however is:
14 is trying to act like he has some sense.

17 is just becoming a man before my eyes.  He is so grown these days I get to hug and kiss him at will. He pulled up next to me in a car the other day while driving down the street.  He in his car me in mine. It is both joyful and painful to watch. I want him to ARRIVE (that’s what Duchess calls becoming a well functioning independent human being) but I want to go there with him.  He will always be my baby.

That’s it and that’s all.  Will be traveling in the upcoming week so I will blog when I can.  Have a good weekend everybody.


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