What is Your Job?
I am reading this book called “How Did I get Like This?” by Amy Wilson. I thought it would be good for me to get away from all of the WWI and WWII histories and Revolutionary Era American biographies I tend to read . This book is a humorous account of motherhood. Sounded good. And I must say I found it both funny and well written.
But I am not going to finish it and I will tell you why.
On a very basic level is does tell the Truth with a big T. It talks about a mother’s drive to do ALL of the right things ALL of the time. It talks about all of the expectations and the experts and the ‘You shoulds’ of motherhood imposed from all sides.
She also talks about the internal pressure she puts on herself not just to do the RIGHT thing but the absolute BEST thing every moment of every day. She spoke of the battle we have to reach all of the superlatives. And you know me. I am Madame Self Critical. Very hard on myself about everything so I feel her on that too.
The reason I am probably not going to finish the book even though it is very funny and well written (did I say that already?) I get annoyed by it. She began with a story about her children seeking exactly the same amount of juice in their glasses or an argument will ensue. Then she says that she knows this is a dumb standard but the quest for being the best mother possible compels her to try every morning to get it right.
First let me say, I know she is purposefully pulling out the most ludicrous stuff that is going on. Otherwise it wouldn’t be funny. But as she proceeds the stuff starts to violate My Rules. Two in Particular. The Rule of Rougher Road and the Watch Your Superlatives.
I get that I am a closet perfectionist but the perfection I am trying to reach is not perfectly happy kids nor meeting the Magazine/ Talk Show /Latest Study Standards of Motherhood. And I think she gets that to. But all that she goes through just irritates me because it speaks to the big societal mistake I think we’re making these days.
We are not supposed to make sure our kids are happy. We are supposed to make sure our kids are prepared in a way so that when they are grown they can make themselves happy because they are educationally, emotionally and financially capable of handling their business.
Don’t get me wrong a certain amount of happy is necessary along the way. Lots of love too. But love is not synonymous with granting desires. It’s security and positive feedback WHEN EARNED. And a soft place to fall when hurt happens. It is not a’ I will go out and fix the world for you’ kinda thing.
They have to fail so they know failing isn’t fatal. That have to know that life ain’t fair and sometimes stuff just doesn’t fall your way. Trying to get the juice even is exactly the wrong thing to do. She’s trying to feel better (Pleasing kids means good mother) Instead of being a good mother by putting a stop to that kind of nonsense. I think she understands that but she keeps doing that stuff and it made me crazy.
Anyway despite it’s truth telling and humor I kept saying to myself “Oh please, stop whining.” “Be careful you will raise a spoiled brat.”
The appropriate response to “Connor has more juice than me” is
“Whatever is in your cup drink it. Then they will both be empty.” or something akin to that. You got to let them know that stuff isn’t perfect, they need to get a grip and they need not work mommy’s nerves.
I don’t know. Maybe I will go back and try to finish it. Maybe she has an epiphany at the end. But the desire to yell “Have you lost your mind?” at the book does not achieve the purpose for which I bought it.
Just saying.
