This is What it Looks Like in My Head Today

Judge,

What should I do when I find 72 messages between my spouse and someone . . .

What should I do if I think my husband has feelings for his baby’s mother . . .

How do I know if my boyfriend really loves me I don’t know if he is just hanging on wants . . . .

The answer to all of these questions is the same

TALK

I get a lot of ‘what should I do?’ questions and the first answer is always talk.  It seems simple but ,I tell you what, it took me 20 years to figure out how to do it EFFECTIVELY with E.  And we are still working on it.  The things that sound easiest usually aren’t.  Everybody says communication is he key but how do you pull it off?

I say this .  You say that.  One of us gives in and walks away resentful ain’t it.  Tried that.  It’s an explosion in the making.

A flood of words about what you think the other person is doing wrong or doing to you usually ain’t it either.  Nobody hears anything.

I say this.  You say that.  But no one says ‘okay how about the other”  gets you that washing machine kind of talking that looks like a conversation but really is nothing more than political speak.

You know how the politicians do on CSpan.  They (and when I say politicians I mean Democrats Republicans Independents and anything else we got roaming around in DC – not all of them but the ones that talk a lot a hearings) pretend to invite an exchange with some person but really are just grandstanding.  They don’t want answers they want sound bites.  They want to look outraged on your behalf.  They want to look like they have the simple answers to a complex world so you will believe in them. They want to put black hats and white hats on people so we can believe they can solve what ails everybody by stomping on the right person.  They never once intimate some failure on their part.  More power than anybody but never at fault for anything. . . .  BIG PET PEEVE – let me leave that alone . . .

Anyway.  I’m just saying, a good conversation is hard to have.  But it is worth working for.  First you have to decide to have one and then you have to debrief the ones you have to see if they have gotten you anywhere.

And if it didn’t work.  Do the unthinkable and try something new.

My Ten Cents Worth.

This is what it looks like in my head: