Ella Escapes Her Ersatz E-Life … Love in the Shadows of Social Media
Virtually Ignored
by Lynn Toler
I.
I am engaged in a virtual battle
with women I never see.
Enticed. Seduced.
Snap-chatted.
Induced.
An invisible army declared war on me.
I saw that share.
They’re everywhere
in multi-platform pursuit.
Contact, painless.
Conduct, shameless.
A snap, a click
and now some chick
has shown you all of her.
It was unrequested
but then you kept it.
So tell me, where’s the line?
How can I defend a border
no one can define?
II.
From inconsistent to
intermittent …
then to not at all,
You flickered, then faded.
Now you’ve made it
your business to be
anywhere but here.
Like a singer, inhaling between phrases,
I paused in your absence.
Holding my breath whenever you left
exhaling upon your return.
Love … babies.
Tomorrows … maybes.
Just what I wanted to hear.
Love … babies.
Tomorrow … No maybes.
Anything to keep me near.
I handled my business
or so I thought.
You took my love
… and the things I bought.
A dabble here,
a message there.
It was, you said, just fun.
People out there do that.
But then there was that one.
Caught up in the winds of your wants,
carried off by the parts she flaunts,
this woman who once blew by blew in.
Now I’m on my own again.
Love … babies.
Tomorrow? Maybe.
Me? one of several verses, I’ve found
Love … babies.
Tomorrow … maybe.
You sang that chorus all over town.
III.
I would like to just let it go.
You know,
walk off without a thought.
But with so many in common,
I’m electronically haunted.
It’s luxury I haven’t got.
I see you, hear you, know who you talk to
whether I want to or not.
Keeping up with what folks do
I find my self,
by myself,
searching for a piece of you.
Your trail consumes me.
It’s hard to resume me.
I await every installment
without involvement.
Imagination, untethered.
I weather
a storm of disregard.
I never knew the wind of wanting could blow
so bitter and so hard.
With one click I work the hurt.
Stuck in a mire of maybe.
A friend of a friend
on Instagram
says she is having your baby.
There are so many ways you don’t reach for me.
I am
Ignored. Defeated.
Not shared.
Deleted.
So I watch the show, you know
that episodic and sad theme song,
staring you and whoever’s new
entitled “I’ve Moved On”.
IV.
Not down
because you’re not around.
Still speaking
because you are not my sound.
Unbowed because
you are not my king.
Still in the game
because of the strength I bring.
The baby in my arms
… a piece of you, that’s true.
But now I’m stronger
so I no longer
find my Peace in you.
There are so many ways I have to sustain me.
My tomorrow is not a sorrow.
I look forward to it.
It’s options and opportunity.
I’ll do far more
than just get through it.
Praying. Earning.
Not mourning.
Learning.
Just being.
It’s freeing.
Possibilities? Teeming.
Beginning today, everyday
will be better than yesterday.
I have passions to pursue
joys to get to.
I am embarking on better times.