is searching mightily for something to say today. I am working on my book tour for my new book PUT IT IN WRITING! If you bought it off of Amazon and liked it please leave a review. Stars always help!
Bought two pairs of shoes. They are practical. I don’t get much in the way of style points. Always looking for comfort.
Uh oh. The well is dry, people. Children have been behaving. Husband has as well.
You guys have a good day.
I, yet again, have nothing of great interest to report. I suppose I need to pick a blog issue but I have yet to be moved by any particular topic. No passion – no purpose. So here’s what’s been going on at Casa Toler:
I played tennis at 8:30 am yesterday. It was about 90 degrees, I’d say. Had my Gatorade though. And yet again I have begun to show progress after having plateaued for a while. My dedication will, however, be tested in a big way on Friday. My Friday tennis partner asked if we could play at 5:00 am as opposed to 5:30. I said “sure.” That’s early even for me. But I am going to do it. At least I know it will be cooler. A life well lived requires effort.
I will be making some national appearances (hopefully) with respect to my new book. PUT IT IN WRITING. I will keep you posted.
Got to buy new shoes today. I have been wearing a six year old pair of sandals everyday since I moved here. E threatened to toss them if I did not make a move. I took a good look at him and he has a point. I wear a size five and my foot is fat (D width). Shoes that fit are not easy to find. So I am going to have to go into serious hunt mode. But I’m on a mission.
14 and 17 are, it appears, adjusting well to school. No detentions yet, anyway – but it’s early.
Peace.
Having had a lot to say the other day I have found myself a little light on the news side. Just headlines this morning – no in depth analyses.
– It’s hot, but not as hot as it has been. I think we are headed for a balmy 108 today.
– I will be playing tennis later.
– Two people told me I’ve lost weight in the last week. I know I am not heavy but I want to be CUT! The thing is I have been heavy on the double stuff Oreo cookies of late. Could it be the tennis? Such a rare thing that something you really enjoy is good for you. (at least in my world).
– 14 is in my office asleep. He can’t be missing me, I’ve been out of town 5 days in the last 45. I have tried to discuss it with him, but you know Boomy.
– Working on some new stuff (so what else is new) Trying to step out there. If you are praying people. . . you know what to do. I’d appreciate it.
– I am trying to get my Woman Cave to a point where I can give a video tour. Got the camera. Got teenaged boys (hence I have camera operators who can upload, download or unload – whatever the case may be.) Problem is, while I have the room together but It’s not TOGETHER. Can’t figure out what I don’t like about it.
You guys have a good day. If you have any good news share it.
Peace.
I wrote in my book, My Mother’s Rules that I hear life in whispers and screams. I was reminded of that the other day when someone commented on my gung-ho attitude toward tennis. And she had it just right. I wrote back that I have two gears: overdrive and dead stop. I am either taking over the world or taking a nap.
Anyway, I was looking at some of the requests for advice I get and saw a similar trend. Not so much in terms of effort but in the way people look at things. Got a question from a woman that sounded like so many that I get. Short story was she gave up everything to be with a guy and he turned out to be using her and she wanted to know what to do.
Of course, like I always say I don’t have enough information to give personal advice and wouldn’t do so anyway but I do now realize one reason I feel that I have so little information. I get the story of the wrong but no information about the right. And I don’t mean just whatever might be good about the situation (and in a lot of cases there probably isn’t much) but what’s right about the person.
This particular woman told me of all of the financial sacrifices she made and that she moved to be with him. To leave, she said, she would have to give up a lot of her stuff. The thing is she never told me what she has going for her. How was she in a position to help this guy in the first place? She must have had something on the ball. Whatever that was she still has it. People can take you time and your stuff but they can’t take your talent. Don’t forget about what you know, what you’re good at and what you can accomplish. Use it to help yourself.
I think, as I always say, people know what they need to do when they ask me a question. It’s just that they don’t want to. Sometimes moving on feels like letting the person who did you wrong get away with something. Here’s my take on it:
1.If you want to stay don’t expect the situation to change until YOU do. More of the same won’t help.
2. Feed the right dog. Dwelling on what was and what was so unfair allows whoever did you wrong to continue to hurt you. Make plans to make the situation better or make a move. You have more power than you think.
3. If there is no hope – no love – no care in the situation you are in the question is not so much what should I do but how do I do it?
4. The best revenge is living well.
5. Most stuff is replaceable. Sometimes you have to travel light. What’s more important hanging on to the TV or your soul?
Don’t let other people define you. So many of the women I hear from write, at length, about who the other person is and I have no idea who they are.
You may have been taken advantage of. You lost time and money. You did not lose you beauty, your ability, your talent or your tomorrow. Don’t waste them regretting what you can’t change. Don’t waste time wondering why he didn’t love you or how he could do that to you. Some people do bad things to other people. It is not a reflection on you. It should be a lesson to be more careful in the future but it does not speak to your worth.
My mother always says 9 times out of 10 the bad, unkind or exclusionary stuff people do to you are a function of A) something you don’t know about. We take things personally when we don’t have all of the facts. B) Who that person is. Rarely is it about you. People think about themselves most days.
For what it’s worth.
PS. None of this is easy and you won’t feel better just reading what I say. Emotional repositioning is a job. Work at it and bit by bit you will feel better.
Let’s give our girl and crew member mad props!!!!! Sorry about the earlier post. Thanks for the heads up Shadeisha.
You’ve asked. She’s answered. In Dear Sonali, Judge Lynn speaks to all the young women who call her Mom2 or the Auntie in their Head.
My Mother's Rules" is a humorous, easy to follow self-help guide to managing your emotional life.
Using lessons learned on the bench along with humorous anecdotes from her own 30 year marriage, Judge Lynn Toler wrote "Making Marriage Work" as a logical and simple guide to bringing back the practicality lost in relationships over the years.
Judge Lynn Toler became the host of the longest running television court program, "Divorce Court" in 2006. Prior to that, Judge Lynn Toler graduated from Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She began practicing law in Cleveland in 1984. In 1993, at the age of 33, she was elected judge of The Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Judge Toler volunteered actively in her community creating innovative programs for young offenders such as Woman Talk, a program designed to intensively mentor young, at-risk girls.
Toler also headed the Cleveland Heights Coordinated Community Response to Violence against Women, a countywide initiative for the coordination of community resources to assist women who are victims of violence. She was also active as an advisory board member for Templum House, a battered women's shelter. As a result of her work in the area of domestic violence in 2002, she was awarded The Humanitarian of the Year Award from The Cleveland Domestic Violence Center.
Judge Toler's dedication to ending domestic violence continues. Currently, she is on the Board of GoPurple.org, a non-profit organization that addresses the issue of domestic violence through education. GoPurple.Org sends educators into classrooms teaching students about healthy relationships, signs of potentially abusive relationships, and ways to help both themselves and others who are in abusive situations.
Judge Toler has served as an adjunct professor at Ursuline College, where she created and taught courses on Civil Rights Law, and Women and the Law. She was also a frequent instructor for the Ohio Judicial College, where she helped create and taught continuing judicial education course for other judges.
Judge Toler is the author of three books including her most recent "Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution." Her first, "My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius" published in 2006, is a humorous memoir in which Judge Lynn recounts a childhood lived in the shadow of mental illness and provides a practical guide to the emotional lessons learned from that experience. And her time on the bench. Her second book, "Put It In Writing," coauthored with Deborah Hutchison, was published in September, 2009. It gives readers concrete, conflict-free solutions to the difficult situations that arise between family and friends.
Judge Toler has written for a variety of magazines including Divorce Magazine published through out the United States and Canada. In 2009, Judge Toler was given The Voice of Freedom Award by the Philadelphia Chapter of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. joining former honorees Colin Powell and Vice President Al Gore, in ringing the Liberty Bell on Martin Luther King Day.
Currently, Judge Toler appears regularly as a guest expert on WeTV's Marriage Bootcamp. Born on October 25, 1959, she has been married to Eric Mumford since April, 1989. She has two sons and four stepsons.
is searching mightily for something to say today. I am working on my book tour for my new book PUT IT IN WRITING! If you bought it off of Amazon and liked it please leave a review. Stars always help! Bought two pairs of shoes. They are practical. I don’t get much in the way […]
I, yet again, have nothing of great interest to report. I suppose I need to pick a blog issue but I have yet to be moved by any particular topic. No passion – no purpose. So here’s what’s been going on at Casa Toler: I played tennis at 8:30 am yesterday. It was about 90 […]
Having had a lot to say the other day I have found myself a little light on the news side. Just headlines this morning – no in depth analyses. – It’s hot, but not as hot as it has been. I think we are headed for a balmy 108 today. – I will be playing […]
I wrote in my book, My Mother’s Rules that I hear life in whispers and screams. I was reminded of that the other day when someone commented on my gung-ho attitude toward tennis. And she had it just right. I wrote back that I have two gears: overdrive and dead stop. I am either taking […]
Let’s give our girl and crew member mad props!!!!! Sorry about the earlier post. Thanks for the heads up Shadeisha.