JudgeLynn.com

Good morning all!

It’s funny. I feel like I am home again. Thank you to my OCMs for giving me a new sense of excitement about this thing.

First, let me explain the OCM thing for those of you  who are new here. I blogged almost everyday for 2 years(?) and a few of my constant commenters became friends with each other. It was funny.

Then I got blog weary and I stopped.

I liked blogging. I like having new people come on board and share the ups and downs of our everyday with each other. So I’m going to take another run at it.

Second, welcome to all of you who have registered and those of you have commented. I hope to have a vibrant community here. It will take time but I’m going to give it a shot.

I’ll still be answering questions at AskJudgeLynn. If you go there please start a new topic thread. (You will find it at the bottom of the AskJudgeLynn page)

But here, I’m just chit chatting. So to bring everybody up to speed there has been a fair amount of newness in my life:

1. BigE and I have downsized. Bought a new house with less bedrooms because 5 and 6 (I number our six boys) are out of the house. Love my boys but I don’t want them to get confused by all those bedrooms we had and mistake them for an invitation to move back in. lol!

2. People are asking me to write a new book but I’m struggling with the topic. Suggestions? I want to find something I know about and am passionate about.

3. I learned how to cook a really good lemon pie. I want my props!

4. I have been making fairly regular appearances on WeTV’s Marriage BootCamp. I’ll keep you posted on appearance dates.

But more importantly than all of that:

5. I am learning to love my Mondays. I used to see them as the beginning of  the to time to tackle problems.  I always have the issues in full view and the possibilities, though pursued,lurk around in the back of my head taking their jolly good time in making themselves a priority.

But not long ago I was working with a guy (he and I are working on a new project by the way … if it looks like it will come to fruition I’ll tell you about it) … anyway he who said to me “I LOVE Monday. It is so full of possibilities. I have a whole five working days to discover, create and move forward.”

I am trying to adopt that creed. So

HAPPY MOTIVATED MONDAY !

Work it like a job …

JLT

Hello everyone!  So many of you have registered here to comment and I want to welcome you all.

I am also going to confess to continued technical difficulties answering questions. If you’ve asked and it’s still in moderation don’t lose hope, I’m still trying to catch up. sometimes I leave them there as a signal to get to them and answer them.
If I don’t answer please don’t get offended. I do the best I can but I can only do so much.

Also you don’t have to have a problem to drop in and say hello. Comment on the post, let me know who you are.

I hope to be able to give a shout out to you!

Also, are any of my OCMs out there? (and you know who you are!) Check in and let me know how you’re doing.

You guys have a great day.

JLT

This is me an my, I got you, don’t worry about it, girl, you know what I mean, running buddy, Desi!

We were at the Creative Emmy’s last night. Third nomination …. still no hardware.  But it was a good night.

I got to see my glam squad, Val and Rick aka Genius and Genius Incorporated. The tricked us both out and we always have fun laughing and talking. It was Rick’s birthday started celebrating while we were getting ready.

Don’t get me wrong the ceremony was looooooooooong. They didn’t get to our category until 11:30 pm and I’m a woman looking to go to be at 9:30. I thought they were going to have to feed me coffee intravenously.

Anyway, I got to meet Marilyn Milan from People’s Court. After all these years in the biz we had never crossed paths.  She is extraordinarily nice. She won too. I hugged her. She was so sweet.

Then there was an after party and I went. Everybody had stayed there for so long. All the producers. They are the backbone of the show. Love them all.

So all in all it was a good night. Not going to lie, I am a little woozy this am but I’m hanging.

You guys have a good one.

Hello all,

I was doing a video for Divorce Court about recognizing your own faults and weaknesses so you can work on  them before they work on you. As I always say:

Name it and Claim it so you can Tame it.

In the second half of the video I was going to give everyone an example of how it’s done by reading the part of my book, My Mother’s Rules, in which I named and claimed all my oddities.

Turns out that woman doesn’t live here anymore.

To be sure I still have a multitude of flaws, faults and oddities but they are different now. I am different now. I was pleased to see it.

You can be true to yourself without being glued to yourself. 

So which chick left and who’s in her place?

1. The woman who could work any worry into a catastrophe, while not gone, rarely gets a hearing anymore. She’s still there to be sure but when I see her I can give the hand, “Bye, Felicia!”

2. The Whiz Past Woman has left the building. There was a time I was moving so fast and casting such a wide net I couldn’t catch any details. Though I can still go as fast and I can still cast a wide net, I can pick and choose when to do it. Though I will never be ultra precise, details now have a hope of a hearing at the crib.

3. The little girl whose peace was in pieces all the time has simply grown out of it. Took her 50 years but she’s gone. I can find peace On the Regular. Not On the Always but On the Regular …

All Positive Change is Welcomed. I feel good.

JLT

I get a lot of complaints from people who tell me that their Significant Other (SO) doesn’t listen so I thought I ‘d do a brief post on Getting Heard.

 The thing you have to remember is:

 A conversation almost never goes better than how it starts out.

 Which simply means if you want to get heard you have to come correct.

 Getting Heard does not involve any anger, cursing or yelling. In fact, it requires just the opposite. You have to be calm and in control. You have to decide not only how to approach the conversation but when.

 You can’t do it when you’re angry. You can’t do it when some hurt is fresh. You have to do it after you’ve processed the pain, determined why you were hurt and figured out exactly what you want your SO to take away from the conversation.  Whether you want them to change a specific behavior or just hear a certain thing, you have to know exactly what it is. “Stop hurting me” is too broad to get meaningful results. “I’d like you to give me a call and let me know next time you’re not coming so I know I shouldn’t wait.” However is a specific request.

 Once you have got your head together and you know what you are looking to achieve, then you have to approach the conversation in a non-threatening manner.  Don’t start with an accusation, because if you start with a “You … “ then something negative that person is going to go on the defensive immediately.  Once that happens all hope of hearing ceases.

 Instead start with how you feel and why. Something like:

 “I was hurt the other day when you …”

 After that you have to listen to the response, but don’t let them go off topic.

 “I hear what you’re saying about last week

but I’d like to talk about yesterday.”

 Make sure they understand that your purpose is not to demean them but to better your relationship.

 “I want us to come out of this feeling better. I am not looking to hurt you.

I just want to resolve this issue I’m having.”

 There is a lot to Getting Heard. It takes maturity and practice. Sometimes it takes a few failed attempts if you and your SO are in the habit of yelling.

 But give it a try. What ‘s the worst that could happen? If it doesn’t work you can always go back to what wasn’t already working next week.